Why relation fails

But the screaming and the indiscriminate attacks of fury are something else, and they damage a relationship a lot. Couples who are not comfortable with themselves start arguments, turn to anger, accusations from one side to the other, and negative comments. And it is that many times we have the habit of paying with the closest person for our problems, and we know how to reach his jugular to do damage. Couples today have to deal with many issues — job stress, bills, mortgage, bosses, responsibilities for looking after the house and children — and it is easy to find imbalances.

When they arrive, we must be aware of what is happening, stop to think, breathe and, before paying with the person we love the most, tell them that for one reason or another, we are having a bad time and that they help us.

More than adding gasoline to the fire, you have to add water. In this way, we will avoid damaging the relationship, and on top of that, we will be able to strengthen it, to the extent that we make our partner help us, support, and comfort us.

Trust is the foundation on which any relationship is built. Breaking this trust is like creating a big crack in that cement base, causing the house to fall apart sooner or later. Mainly because, taking up error number two, they lead the couple to stop being a priority, and unconsciously, we end up distancing ourselves.

So a couple must be aware of both their needs and that their actions have consequences not only on a single person but on the couple. If you love a good nightcap before heading to bed, then you should be sure that your life partner enjoys one as well.

One study from the University of Buffalo found that around 50 percent of married couples with differing alcohol habits got divorced before they hit the year mark. On the other hand, partners who had similar drinking habits—whether they indulged, abstained, or consumed alcohol moderately—only had a divorce rate of about 30 percent.

Secrets are no fun, especially in a long-term relationship. And what's even worse is lying about them, like when "your partner keeps secrets from you and blames you when you call them out on their secrecy," says Terry Gaspard , MSW, LICSW, a relationship expert and therapist in Massachusetts and Rhode Island.

If you notice your partner lying to your face and then holding you responsible for their loathsome actions, it might be time to sit down with them and address the problem directly before things escalate further. Every couple fights, but healthy ones end them with both parties apologizing and taking partial blame for what has transpired.

But in a relationship that's reaching its breaking point, you might find that either you or your partner refuse to accept any of the blame, with one of you painting themselves entirely as the victim.

A healthy and happy relationship should revolve around how each person is feeling. However, partners in unstable relationships often find themselves fighting with their significant other, with little to no regard for how the other person feels. A couple will never understand each other when there is a lack of reverence in the relationship.

And if one partner has a blatant disrespect for the other's life choices, neither partner will ever feel comfortable talking about their day, let alone their feelings or beliefs. A big and unexpected life event, like the death of a parent or a sudden job layoff, can shake a relationship to its core. And, oftentimes, these life-changing moments will result in other major changes that many relationships struggle to survive.

It's not necessarily how each partner spends money that causes problems in a marriage, it's how one partner thinks their significant other is spending that does. When Ashley LeBaron , a graduate student at Brigham Young University BYU , and her fellow researchers studied couples and their spending habits in , they found that husbands who viewed their wives as big spenders had the greatest financial conflicts, regardless of actual spending habits. Relationships are all about give and take—and if you take more than you give, then the balance will be thrown off and your partner will likely seek comfort in other places and people.

In fact, this is such a well-known phenomenon that experts have even given it a name: It's called the Social Exchange Theory. According to Mark V. Redmond of Iowa State University, the theory outlines how "we are disturbed when there is no equity in an exchange or where others are rewarded more for the same costs we incurred.

When your significant other spends the entire day slaving away on a home-cooked meal, don't forget to thank them for all that hard work. Otherwise, your partner will feel like all their efforts have gone unnoticed, or that you feel like your time is more valuable than theirs. When gratitude is not expressed, emotional, and sometimes physical, health is compromised.

Insecure folks use their partners as a crutch in order to feel better about their many perceived shortcomings.

And when the relationship is less than satisfactory, they see this as a slight against who they are as a person, which can lead to anger, frustration, and ultimately, the end of the relationship. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to reason with someone who pins their self-worth to the status of their relationship. One of the most important parts of being in a relationship is loving your partner for who they are without trying to change them. Even when you have any reasons to be suspicious, it is still advisable to talk things over.

Factors such as lying to your partner can build distrust. Be open and sincere at all times to leave no room for unnecessary suspicions and jealousy. One mistake people make in their relationships which often lead to the collapse of the relationship is cheating on their partners because they believe he or she had been cheating on them. If you suspect anything, don't act without getting your facts right. Compromise is another very important factor in every relationship.

The two people involved in the relationship must be ready to compromise at some point to make things work. Holding on to past wrongs will never help build a strong relationship between you and your spouse.

Finding faults and bringing up past wrongs very often kills the passion you once had for your partner and lead to the arms of someone else. There are times in your relationship when things won't work out well as they should, and neither you nor your partner should take the blame. As the years go by, the things that once held the two of you together in the relationship may start losing their grip and effectiveness. You suddenly find the bond fraying despite making the normal amount of efforts and contributions make things work in your relationship.

Things like change of environment, friends or financial fortunes can also eat up the strong bond that was between you and your partner. Friends and family can be more influential in your relationship than you are prepared to admit. Most times, these loved ones can be quite supportive, but at other times, they can give their friends or family members the kind of advice that might further aggravate the already tensed situation in your relationship.

This is most likely when the relationship is not supported by these friends and family members. Know the kind of friends your partner keeps and the kind of advice he or she gets from them concerning your relationship. Most relationships today do not start up on the right foot. Naturally, this change in your partner might frustrate you. When problems like this come up, your ability to maintain a healthy relationship relies on your ability to communicate your emotions, beliefs, and needs.

For instance, you might respond to your frustration by being short, starting arguments over small issues, or by mirroring her lack of presence.

If you do this, the problems will compound, and your partner may not feel that you support her pursuit to succeed in her career.

Instead of lashing out at your partner, you might tell her that you feel that due to her focus on the project at work which you fully support , she is not meeting your needs.

You think that the fun spirit and presence that she used to bring to your dates is no longer there. In openly discussing how her focus on work and lack of presence is affecting you without assuming that is a direct affront to you or the relationship, you will open up a communication channel that will allow you to find a productive path forward. It might be helping your partner better navigate the unreasonable demands of her boss.

Non-acceptance, lack of trust, and poor communication will kill any relationship. The good news is that you can avoid these common killers of relationships by identifying them when they come up, looking within, and committing to doing the hard work required to make your relationship last. Skip to content.